Two mafia members:
“Was the Godfather excited when you told him that you are marrying his daughter?”
“You wouldn´t believe it! He was so surprised that he dropped a revolver!”
A wife gives directions to her husband who moves a car backwards:
“Go, go…you can still go…and now get off the car and have a look at what you have done.“
Two female centipedes:
“Girl, I am so unwell that my fifty legs are in the grave?”
“???”
A man in a bank struggles to find something in his bag. A bank clerk wants to help him, so she asks:
“Do you want to withdraw or deposit money?”
“Obviously withdraw, but I cannot find my gun!”
At midnight, someone knocks at the door of a secluded cottage in the forest:
“Do you need wood?”
“No, we don´t!”
And… in the morning all wood´s gone.
Two drunken men make an introduction:
“I am Holý.”
“Me too, the prices are really high in this bar!”
The Chinese steal secret plans for a MIG 29 from the Russians. They start building it and when they finish they realise that they have built a steam locomotive. So they look back into the plans and read the fine print: Further work with a round file to create details.
Pearls of wisdom:
“Don´t play a dead beetle!”
– Yoko Ono
“Hear weed grows.”
– Hippies
“I ran out of steam.”
– James Watt
“There are not small roles.”
– Harmasan
“Have you got a light?”
– Prometheus
“You go with a jug for water as long as you break an ear off.”
– Vincent Van Gogh
“I am in the picture.”
– Mona Lisa
“The die is cast.”
– Erné Rubik
“People stay awake!”
– The Sleeping beuaty
Source of the title image: https://pixabay.com/